‘Twas the Night Before Installation (3)

‘Twas the night before installation
And all through the shop,
Not a program was working
It sure was a flop.
The programmers hung by their tubes in despair,
In the hopes that a miracle soon would be there.

The users were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of inquiries danced in their heads.
When out in the hall there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my desk to see what was the matter.
And what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a super programmer (with a six-pack of beer).
His resume glowed with experience so rare,
He turned out great code with a bit-pusher’s flair.

More rapid than eagles, his programs they came,
And we whistled and shouted and called them by name:
On Update! On Add! On Inquiry! On delete!
On Batch Jobs! On Closing! On Functions Complete!
His eyes were glazed over, fingers nimble and lean,
From weekends and nights in front of a screen.
A wink of his eye, and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
Turning specs into code; then turned with a jerk;
And laying a finger upon the “Enter” key,
The system came up and worked perfectly.
The updates updated; the deletes deleted;
The inquiries inquired, and closing completed.
He tested each whistle, and tested each bell
With nary an abend, and all had gone well.
The system was finished, the tests were concluded.
The user’s last changes were even included.

And the user exclaimed with a snarl and a taunt,
“It’s just what I asked for, but not what I want!”

~Unknown (from an office email!)